Stress is a feeling of being under abnormal pressure. This pressure can come from different aspects of your day to day life. Such as an increased workload, a transitional period, an argument you have with your family or new and existing financial worries. You may find that it has a cumulative effect, with each stressor building on top of one another. During these situations you may feel threatened or upset and your body might create a stress response. This can cause a variety of physical symptoms, change the way you behave, and lead you to experience more intense emotions.
Stress affects us in a number of ways, both physically and emotionally and in varying intensities. Everyone experiences stress. However, when it is affecting your life, health and wellbeing, it is important to tackle it as soon as possible, and while stress affects everyone differently, there are common signs and symptoms you can look out for: If you are experiencing these symptoms for a prolonged period, and feel they are affecting your everyday life or are making you feel unwell, you should speak to your GP.
You can ask for information about the support services and treatments available to you. Find out more about stress in our A-Z guide. Now, we would like to move on to a more detailed look at the causes and effects of stress. In this section we will focus on the effects prolonged stress has on your body, behaviour and emotions, and look at key causes such as relationships, money, work, alcohol and drug use. Research has shown that stress can sometimes be positive.
It can make you more alert and help you perform better in certain situations.
An Introduction to Coping
Excessive or prolonged stress can contribute to illness such as heart disease3 and mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. Stress is a natural reaction to many situations in life, such as work, family, relationships and money problems. We mentioned earlier on that a moderate amount of stress can help us perform better in challenging situations, 34 but too much or prolonged stress can lead to physical problems. This can include lower immunity levels, 35 digestive and intestinal difficulties, e. People react differently to stress.
Some common symptoms of stress include sleeping problems, sweating or a change in appetite. Symptoms like these are triggered by a rush of stress hormones in your body which, when released, allow you to deal with pressures or threats. This is known as the 'fight or flight' response. Hormones called adrenaline and noradrenaline raise your blood pressure, increase your heart rate and increase the rate at which you perspire.
This prepares your body for an emergency response. Cortisol, another stress hormone, releases fat and sugar into your system to boost your energy. As a result, you may experience headaches, muscle tension, pain, nausea, indigestion and dizziness. You may also breathe more quickly, have palpitations or suffer from various aches and pains.
In the long-term, you may be putting yourself at risk from heart attacks and stroke. Over time, the build-up of these chemicals and the changes they produce can be damaging for your health. When you are stressed you may experience many different feelings, including anxiety, irritability or low self-esteem, which can lead to becoming withdrawn, indecisive and tearful. You may experience periods of constant worry, racing thoughts, or repeatedly go over the same things in your head.
You may experience changes in your behaviour. Encourage them to talk about underlying assumptions, beliefs, or background factors that may have led them to the point- of-view or behavior you are upset about. Summarize what they say and their emotions from their point of view so that they agree you understand their point of view. Understanding their situation, point of view, and the causes of their beliefs and behavior is usually the major hurdle to get control of anger. If it is impossible to have that kind of conversation with someone, then try to imagine an understanding scenario that allows you to defuse your anger.
From my experience of dealing with people with similar situations, I try to imagine what they might have been thinking and why. If you do not know the person well enough to know what their motives were, then what can you do? Recall the client who was so filled with anger after being raped by a masked man she would never see again. We looked at what we knew about human nature in general. Can you accept human nature as it really is? Can you accept that there are gang killings, child abuse, theft of my belongings, inconsiderate behavior, or other damaging events--without getting too upset about them?
Can you accept that some people will take advantage of me and "get away with it"? To be able to control our anger despite tragic events, we must each find a way to deal with the "dark side" of life. Issues of injustice, unfairness, and entitlements are discussed below Chapters 4, 8. To the degree that Mike believed his wife's underlying motives for being late were aimed at harming him, then his anger increases. If he dwells on thoughts like, "She doesn't care about me,""She's inconsiderate," "I wouldn't do that to her," or "She's so selfish," then they will add fuel to his anger.
Instead, he can interpret her underlying intentions as a legitimate need to take care of herself.
An Introduction to Improving Your Self-Esteem
He can focus more on evidence from the present and past that she loves him and is not trying to hurt him. How he chooses to think will increase or decrease his anger. Try to assume the best intentions from people until you have repeated indications that they seem to have other motives. As a psychologist who has seen hundreds of clients, I have discovered that even the most hostile people are usually not trying to hurt others. Instead, they primarily want to protect or defend themselves and to meet their own values. The most hostile people are often people who have experienced a lot of abuse and criticism and are very sensitive to it.
That insight helps dissipate much of my anger. That insight does not necessarily mean that I will refrain from using consequences to discourage hostile behavior. But it does mean that I can deal with the person much more calmly and effectively. How does the insight that people are usually aggressive to defend themselves apply to less hostile people? If a person who normally cares about you is angry or purposely harms you, then he or she is probably doing it out of defensiveness or fairness!
He probably thinks that you did something to him first, and he is just defending himself, "getting even," or trying to "teach you a lesson" so you won't harm him again. In short he is probably operating under the same reasons that you are when you perpetuate the cycle of conflict!
He is assuming the worst intentions of you --that you don't care about him or that you tried to intentionally hurt him. So often our expectations are the keys to our feelings. We may not accept that others are imperfect or that we are imperfect. It is natural to feel negative emotions such as anger in response to events we label "bad" or "unfair. The fairness doctrine states that "Life should always be fair and exactly equal for everyone. In the worst cases people spend much of their life calculating fairness, balancing what they have received versus what they have given, and maintaining some sort of self-created accounting system that is based entirely on ideas of fairness.
This fairness belief system may have little correspondence to outside reality. What is "fair" about some people being born into happy, prosperous families and living prosperous, long, happy lives while other people are born into miserable situations and die young after leading a life filled with suffering? I recommend abandoning the "fairness doctrine. It can be replaced with the happiness doctrine. It states that I will choose that which contributes most to my and others' happiness.
I accept that my life and all my options are a gift. If I compare my gifts to others'--especially to those that have more--I will only reduce my appreciation of my own gifts. There really is some "justice" in this world. What I have been saying about "fairness" is that rigidly holding on to a fairness doctrine can undermine our happiness.
However, one concern people express to me is that if they do not hold on to this doctrine, then there will be no justice or consequences. I ask those people to remember that we live in a world controlled by natural laws which we cannot "break. Society can also create laws which provide additional rewards and punishments. Frequently the guilty seem to go unpunished.
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How do we control our anger when we see such miscarriages of justice? People who take advantage of other people are punished by natural reactions--such as lack of real intimacy and love in their life. They are punished by their Higher Self, which sees "the evil" or harm they do to others and produces guilt through natural empathy with others. They are punished by their own anger and negative beliefs--which torment them with conflict, anger, and anxiety. They are too busy feeling anger to feel happy.
For example, Stalin and Hitler are two men who may share the distinction of causing more harm to more people than any other men in history. Some have said that these men were examples of how evil power can pay --as if to prove that there is no justice.
Overcoming Low Self-Esteem, 2nd Edition - Melanie Fennell - Häftad () | Bokus
However, while both men achieved great worldly wealth and power, both men lived highly tormented lives. Understanding how difficult it is for harmful people to be happy people helps me let go of some of my anger when something appears "unjust. Accept reality and forgive. Some of our anger may stem from a belief that others have unfairly received more than we have.
We might resent people who have more money, beauty, success, or happiness--especially if we don't think they "deserve" it. We might feel that life has given us a "bum deal" if we follow the "fairness doctrine. The fairness doctrine says that people should get only what they deserve. The happiness doctrine says that in order to be happy we must accept that things do not always appear to be fair.
I will hope that both the other person and I can learn to be happy with what we have each received--even though it may not be "equal" or "fair. Many poor people are happier than many rich people.
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